How I feel about him

I didn't really want to talk too much about the Cure concert because I really became so sad after I watched him (robert ) sing live. I've been in love with him for years and the first time I listened to Disintegration (though there were many other albums before this, this was the one that really got me.. that and Wish) I couldn't sleep for days and the only way I could stop the limbo I was in was by forcing myself to write a love poem for my then boyfriend (now husband).

I cannot explain this big 'lump' in my head/brain/ stomach when I thought about him and his voice and his words in those days. I got on the internet and this girl called me a Cure virgin and helped me explain the strange feeling I had inside after listening to him/them; the feeling of a great void which at the same time filled every sense of my being. I didn't really understand it fully, I never did.

then I fell in love (in real life) and got married and tried for a baby and failed and cried and travelled and laughed and my brother died and I cried and lived.

Then I saw HIM in front of me. In real life. Not just in pictures. Not in videos. Not in my dreams. He was there. They played "Open" first, I screamed. I danced, I laughed, I cried,I closed my eyes when I couldn't take it in anymore, then opened them afraid he was going to be gone. My heart beat so fast throughout the three hours I thought I would die.

My life sucks. But it's okay. I'm married to a man who loves him too (though he's not aware how much deep my obsession has been).

I shouldn't have gone to the concert. It's not real, but why do feel it is?
Nah, I'll get over this. Give me a couple of months.